My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
