she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
