I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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