Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
