I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
