You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize