the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
