make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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