Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
