I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
