I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
