I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
