I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
