dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
