She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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