Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
