and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
