that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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