WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
