Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
