Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
