found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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