So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
NoShamevember. You game?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
