thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
