My first STD was from a foam party
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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