You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
