Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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