Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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