im six kinds of drunk right now
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
