I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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