You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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