if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
