so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
