I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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