Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize