i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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