just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
