Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
