so explain again why im purple
no
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
