your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
