All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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