It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
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