I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
