My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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