the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
