It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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