Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize