shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
