My nipple is on Facebook.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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