She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
he's gonorrhea incarnate
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize