hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
