i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
