Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
