stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
