apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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