she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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