yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
