Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
