I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
