Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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