how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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