just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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