I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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