I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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