A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
