who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
