I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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