I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
