Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
