The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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