is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
