her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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