Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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