i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
