i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize