A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
