if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
