8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
