What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think your dad took our porno
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
