i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
