Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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