guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
