Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
