I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
